How to Cope with Loneliness: Being in Touch with your Body

Everyone experiences loneliness at some point in their lives. It comes after a breakup, moving to a new location where you don’t know anyone, when you have a falling out with a friend or when you wish there was someone around to confide in.

The state of feeling all alone can cause you to feel hopeless, isolated and unlovable. You feel disconnected from others and spend much of your time being sedentary.

Being in touch with your body can help you face loneliness in a positive, productive manner. But first, you have to learn to overcome the barriers to exercising.

There are barriers to beginning an exercise program. They include:

fear that exercise will cause physical pain
fear that exercise will cause you to get out of breath
a belief that exercise will not help
a reluctance to let others seeing you work out
you haven’t been able to find an exercise that is enjoyable
afraid that you will not continue an exercise program once it begins-serving only to increase your sense of failure and fear that you will not be patient with the process and expect immediate physical and mental health results.

Overcoming these barriers:
It is a well known fact that exercise improves self esteem and physical health. Write these facts down and keep them posted in a prominent place in order to have this knowledge grooved into your mind. Set realistic goals: start slow and don't exercise longer than 15 minutes. You will set yourself up to fail if you set unrealistic goals.

Be aware that exercise will cause some physical pain at least when at the beginning stages. It is not uncommon to experience muscle soreness and lack of stamina at this point. Over time, you will gain strength, have less muscle pain and increase your stamina.

Be aware that it is also normal to feel self conscious when beginning exercise. You may be embarrassed of the way you look in front of others in work out clothes. Remind yourself that your physical appearance will improve as you continue a workout routine. You will notice your muscles toning and weight decreasing.

Be aware that achieving your goals will take time. Changing your body will not take place over night, but you can feel the immediate mental benefits of calmness and confidence during your first workout.

Once you have begun an exercise program, you can get in touch with your body. Notice how the different parts of your body feel while you are moving. What does your head feel like? What are you thinking and experiencing while working out? How do your shoulders, neck, arms, legs and the rest of your body feel?

Where do you feel the loneliness in your body and what does it feel like? Is it a sharp pain or a dull ache? What is it like to feel the loneliness in your body instead of only your head?

As you continue your exercise program, instead of feeling overwhelmed by the loneliness and being emotionally stagnated by its power, you can begin to develop strategies for dealing with the pain of feeling all alone. The possibility of not feeling consistently lonely becomes a reality with a vision.

While you are exercising, you can develop an action plan for dealing with feel all alone.

You can pursue groups or organizations whose members have common interests with you. Plan to make inquiring phone calls as soon as possible.
You now feel confident enough to take the risk of reaching out to someone new. You feel strong enough to deal with the possible rejection if it should occur. Your attitude is “If I get rejected, there are plenty of other possible friends or partners out there to check out.”
You learn to enjoy your own company and don’t experience being alone some of the time as being uncomfortable or undesirable. You can now appreciate your “alone time” as an opportunity to enjoy activities or complete tasks.
You now feel empowered to seek further help if needed. You can seek out professional therapists, body workers or other healers.

Bob Livingstone, LCSW, has been a psychotherapist in private practice for almost twenty years. He works with adults, teenagers and children who have experienced traumas such as family violence, neglect and divorce. He works with men around anger issues and adults in recovery from child abuse. He is the author of the critically acclaimed Redemption of the Shattered: A Teenager’s Healing Journey through Sandtray Therapy and the upcoming The Body-Mind-Soul Solution: Healing Emotional Pain through Exercise (Pegasus Books, Aug. 2007). For more information visit www.boblivingstone.com.