What does it mean to honor your traumas, losses and heartbreaks? Honoring is acknowledging the anguish you have experienced. Honoring marks the horror, sadness and anger when the event first happened. It celebrates your recovery process. It is a time for telling your story about the trauma and to discuss how you overcame the obstacles. It is a time to look at the painful memories and express your feelings about them. You may want to have a celebration in a special place. You may want others with you. You may want to be alone.

Why it is important to honor your trauma, losses and heartbreaks? You may find strength in your vulnerabilities. This could be a time to own what really happened and not feel that you must escape from any memories of the painful event.

The honoring of what happened may help you end the constant mind spinning of the hurt. You may find yourself at peace with what happened; no longer have the need to replay the horror show in your head over and over again.

What is a trauma, loss or heartbreak? A trauma could be an incident(s) of being physically, emotionally and/or sexually abused. It could mean witnessing death and destruction while serving in the military. Loses occur when a loved one dies or suddenly leaves. Your heart may break during any of these experiences and you may fear that you will never again have a positive experience.

I will now describe a personal trauma I have experienced and hopefully it will inspire you to honor your pain.

It was April 15, 2009 and I was out for my usual five-mile run. I have been having health issues that year. I had the h-pylori stomach virus where it felt like rats were trying to take control of my digestive tract. I had a kidney stone. I was overwhelmed and fearful that my health problems were only going to get worse.

I was running on the San Francisco State campus and listening to Leela James version of I want to Know What Love is. Next thing I knew I was laying on the grass. I had passed out, fainted, lost consciousness, what the hell? I got up and walked back home.

I went to work and noticed that I felt like I was going to faint every time I stood. I worked with several clients that day. I didn’t tell anyone about this passing out incident. I know now that I didn’t say anything was because I didn’t want to know if I had a serious illness. Classic denial you may say, and I can’t disagree.

A week later I went to the hospital and had an echocardiogram. The indifferent doctor said that I was fine and told me they were going to schedule me for a stress test. I told her I could barley walk much less run for a stress test. She said not to worry about it. She said, “But, by the way, I am going to call the DMV and report that you passed out. Therefore, your driver’s license will be revoked.”

I told my wife all about the visit and my earlier denial. She wasn’t happy and was frightened. A few days later, she drove me to the emergency room. The nurse couldn’t find my heart beat and wondered if their equipment was faulty. Finally, they were able to determine that I had a heart rate of 24(normal heart rate is 80-100). Later I was told that I could tolerate a heart rate that low because I was a runner. If not, I would have died.

They quickly determined that I needed a heart pacemaker and I shouted at them to install it immediately. I went to surgery for an hour and after the operation I ate a whole pizza with extra sauce.

I have been honoring the day I almost died for the past eight years. My ritual is that I run to the place that I passed out over 3000 days ago. I run back on forth in front of this grassy spot for about a half an hour. I listen to that Leela James song.

When it gets to the part where her voice explodes, I start to cry. The crying begins deep in my stomach and the tears mix with sweat on my face. I think about how blessed I am to have lived so long and to have this second chance. I think about how I want to make a difference in the world and how my life feels like it is just getting started.

I pass the spot again and I feel the pain of the medical establishments indifference along with the miracle of science that saved my life.

I continue to run past that spot to honor my life, my near death and deep gratitude towards all who love me.