Ten years ago, April 15, 2009, I passed out while running and almost died. I didn’t tell anyone about collapsing on the grass for a week. This silence is due to a combination of toxic masculinity and denial.

I was terrified two weeks later when my wife, Gail drove me to the Hospital Emergency Room.

The nurse strapped me up with the blood pressure machine and no data was transmitted. She thought the machine had suddenly become faulty and then made another attempt. My heart rate was 24. Normal heart rate is 80-100 beats per minute. Most humans cannot survive with a heart rate of 24. The cardiologist informed me that running kept me alive and I needed a heart pacemaker immediately.

The surgeon was not available until the next day. They were fearful that I may not live much longer, so they installed a temporary heart pacemaker which I recall was a very painful procedure.

After the permanent pacemaker was installed; Gail and my friend Wayne brought me a pizza which I devoured in no time.

I was given 36500 and counting additional days of life. I have seen countless sunrises and sunsets. My soul has been warmed by the smile of Gail. I have connected deeply with friends. I have learned to play the guitar, write down feelings and suffered deep losses. I have lived a long life and want to live an even longer one. I have been touched by kindness and held sacred space. Join me in my journey.