Feeling unworthy can adversely affect the quality of your life.  Read on to examine this issue.

Ask yourself these questions:

Do you ever feel that you are not worthy?   How does that feel in your body?  What kind of thoughts come up?  Where did the belief that you are unworthy come from?  Do you wake up in the morning fearing that you are going to let down people close to you?  Do you feel you are not going to meet the expectations of co-workers?

 

Answers to questions above:

Many of us believe we are unworthy.  You may be connected to this experience directly and have ongoing thoughts about it.  Your self-talk may include words that indicate you are undeserving. Or you may be unaware that you beleive you don’t measure up and it shows up in indirect ways.  Self-destructive behavior such as pushing others away, substance abuse and problems with anger are a few of the indirect way’s unworthiness can be expressed.

You may feel anxiety in your body from feeling unworthy.  Stomach, neck, head and other body aches may be felt.

Feelings of unworthiness come from being physically, emotionally and/or sexually abused as a child.  You father may have beaten you for no apparent reason on a regular basis when you were a child.  Your mother could have constantly told you that you are a terrible person and you have learned to believe her words.  Supervisors and other authority figures may have said that you are stupid and have no real future.

You learned to not reach out to others for praise or validation. You learned not to trust anyone including yourself.  Nobody taught you how to connect with others, so relying on self was the only alternative.

We learn to internalize these acts and words.  Feeling unworthy can feel like a hopelessly ingrained life story.  It doesn’t have to stay this way.

Those of us who feel unworthy are resilient and driven.  These skills lead to accomplishments like graduating from college, landing a great job, being a loyal friend.  The problem is that the feelings of unworthiness prevent you from recognizing or placing any value on these accomplishments or positive personal traits.

How to discover your worthiness:

Individual therapy can be very helpful.  EMDR(Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing Therapy) can assist with facing traumatic memories.  Sandtray Therapy can teach you how to connect with the different parts of yourself.

Exercising regularly can calm the mind, increase confidence and be a means for working through problems.

Talking to friends about feeling unworthy can help release these feelings instead of bottling them up.

Getting enough sleep and eating right are definite pluses in this struggle.

Understanding the reasons why you feel unworthy is important for recovery.   You may suddenly realize you don’t feel worthy because your boss always put you down.  You will learn what situations cause triggers of unworthiness.

Then you can begin to refute these unworthy thoughts.  You can start by listening to Bettye LaVette’s song Worthy:

“Worthy, Worthy What a thing to claim! Worthy, Worthy Ashes into Flames Oh, Ah Worthy”